I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
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I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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