For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
