I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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