either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
