remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
