Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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