Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
