My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
