Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize