I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
