Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
