Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
