I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
