is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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