peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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