if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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