I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
it's like iHOP with fire
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
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She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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