i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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