Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
