I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
People in love make me want to vomit
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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