last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
