either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
