my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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