At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
