do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
