id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
