i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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