He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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