You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
