i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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