Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
