I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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