mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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