I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
