Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
