I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
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I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
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Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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