he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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