then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
