20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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