Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
