oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Randomize
