Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
