I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
splinters make it hard to masturbate
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
