I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
