dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
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I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
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All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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