I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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