There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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