he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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