Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
