Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
