His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
