Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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