I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
