if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My dick has a subreddit
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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