Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
