I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I AM VODKA MAN
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
