we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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