Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
it's like iHOP with fire
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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