I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
