I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
