better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
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I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
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The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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