I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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