I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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