literally had 100 drinks last night.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
