man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
