Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
