I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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