the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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