So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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