I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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