I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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