there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
