i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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