I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
