i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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