I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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