like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just threw up on my dentist
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
