He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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