I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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