I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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