why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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