this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
