Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
