problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
