Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
