I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
