was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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