I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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